slime on the golden lawn

SKINNY SWEETPEA: WHY I DO THIS.

skinnyeffysz:

WHY I DO THIS.


• for the gap between my thighs that the sunshine will shine through, when my feet are together, standing up straight like a twig.
• to feel good in my bikini, with my bones hanging out, as the waifish-sexy-tan-beach-babe.
• so he’ll want to show me off to whoever he can, every day we’re together. i want him to be proud of the supermodel on his arm, and absolutely in love and enchanted with the girl of his dreams.
• to prove to myself that i’m strong, in control, and capable of whatever i set my mind to.
• i have to make up for sixteen years of obesity. childhood obesity, teenage obesity, and overall unhappiness. i have to give this to myself because i deserve to be happy.
• to get rid of the horrible pudge that hangs over the sides of my jeans when i bend over, or sit down, or move a certain way at a certain weight.
• to put an end to the whispers about my weight behind my back. how could anyone say anything bad about how the thinnest girl in the room looks?
• to never feel self conscious around other girls who are skinny because i’m skinnier, prettier, and appreciate it more.
• for all the people who told me i would be fat forever, would never lose weight, and for those who thought i could never in a million years be thin. this is for you, bitches.
• the ex-boyfriend who thought he got away with breaking my heart and ditching the fat girlfriend he was ashamed to have. look at me now, motherfucker.
• my parents had accepted having a fat daughter. i hope they adjust nicely.
• to crave being in public, simply because i know i look great. i want to want to show it off.
• i don’t want to be the fat friend anymore.
• my boyfriend. he’s the most amazing man in the entire world, absolute perfection, and he deserves in me what i have in him. i want to be the feather light princess he can’t imagine living without.
• to feel like a doll. a small, breakable, perfect, porcelain doll.
• how can i continue to be envious of something i have myself?
• to know how the other side lives. the thin side, the better side, and the side that just looks happier. the perfect world, the dollhouse, whatever else you want to call it. i want in.
• i want to see my bones. it’s that simple.
• everything will fit me. there will not be a single piece of clothing i can’t get on my size nothing tiny body. not a single piece of clothing. and i want to ask ‘can i get this in the next size down?’.
• abercrombie double zero low-rise jeans. enough said.
• i want to sit in the drivers seat of the car and not have to worry about how my thighs look to the passenger, pressed down to the bottom of the seat. how my arms look, against my body and hanging in the air, and how my stomach looks, pushed into the waistband of my pants.
• so i can avoid wearing pants. leggings, tights, little shorts - they’re all good alternatives.
• i want to go out to dinner and order something without fearing that ordering something will make me look like a fat girl.
• just so it makes sense when i pick off my boyfriend’s dinner plate for a couple bites, and claim i’m full. i’ll look like i should be full after eating like a baby bird.
• i’ll be carried everywhere. everywhere. and i won’t even weigh down the person carrying me. i’ll be picked up and lifted and twirled by my boyfriend, without straining him with my fat ass.
• i want to be a vegetarian, and possibly a vegan. but i don’t want to look like i don’t belong.
• to be beautiful.